In the last newsletter, I wrote about my recent dental surgery. I admitted that I had been a little anxious during the days leading up to the dreaded event (does anyone actually love going to the dentist?) While sitting alone in the consultation room, I confess another source of anxiety was also making me twitchy.
Knowing I was going to be unconscious for a bit, I had handed my phone over to my husband and sent him off to a screen-repairing appointment. So, there I was in a sterile consultation room staring at a huge screen filled with a gigantic image of my most recent dental X-rays. I reached for my phone to take a snapshot - no phone.
I don’t go anywhere without my phone.
Rarely a day goes by without taking a snapshot of something. What better way to distract myself in a lineup than by checking email, Facebook, IG, or reading my favourite Substacks?
I took a deep breath and considered calling my husband, just to hear his voice. Um. No. No phone. My god, just how dependent am I on my phone? It soothes me to sleep in the middle of the night when I wake up (ah, podcasts). Gently nudges my brain awake when I do the WORDLE over breakfast. Answers whatever random questions that may pop into my head - What is the exact definition of egregious? Did they really castrate Abelard after he was secretly married? How much does hip replacement surgery cost in Mexico? Where is all the smoke coming from?
How did we ever manage before we were continually plugged into the infinite web of random facts, connected by a press of a button with everyone we’ve ever crossed paths with, able to watch movies while sitting on a park bench? (Not that I’ve done the latter, but I could.)
Delights of the Ghost
A couple of weekends ago, when we were camping in the Ghost River Valley (and mostly offline), I was reminded how much I enjoy not being perpetually connected. And, how much I love camping and sailing. In both cases, the days are suddenly full, not with alerts and notifications, Zoom meetings and social media but with the simple tasks essential to staying alive.
Chopping wood. Making a fire. Caution when it comes to water consumption. One eye constantly on the weather. Going to bed when it gets dark. Waking at first light to the sounds of squirrels and ravens (or seagulls and water lapping against the hull). There’s a whole different rhythm to the world when you need to walk off into the bush to find a place to pee.
Suddenly, we are forced to be aware of food prep limitations that come with a lack of counters or refrigeration, how to protect our food (and ourselves) from hungry creatures, how to get dressed in cramped quarters (on a boat, add to that the sometimes significant challenges just staying upright - always having to hold onto something so you don’t take an unfortunate tumble), or that sinking feeling when you realize you’ve run out of coffee and you are days away from the next chance to replenish.
Food. Water. Sleep. Fire. Shelter from the storm. Nowhere on the list of essential essentials is Internet access. My phone.
The reality is, my everyday life depends on me having access to a computer. Power. Wi-fi. Not only does my work require that I am connected, but my circle of friends would shrink dramatically if I were limited to only those people I see face to face and in the flesh.
And yet, that quiet, inner peace - the feeling of being connected to the earth beneath my feet - nothing can replace that. I crave the simpler shape of those outdoorsy days. I love the times when I can put my phone down and unplug.
How to Bring That Feeling Home?
My current challenge for myself is this: How can I create more opportunities in the midst of my everyday life to capture this sense of calm and being fully present in the physical world?
Here’s the beginning of my list of possible strategies:
Go for a short walk 10-15 minutes out of every hour. Leave the phone behind. (Or, perhaps put the phone into Airplane Mode in case I want to take a photo. I really love taking photos…)
Don’t look at my phone during the night. This will be tough as I so enjoy those podcasts. I did notice that when I was camping, I didn’t exactly die of lack of sleep when I didn’t listen to anything between dark and dawn. No doubt doing some deep breathing exercises would be better sleep hygiene-wise. I may need to remove my phone from the bedroom completely in order to resist the temptation.
Take a sketchbook and sit outside and draw. I am blessed to live in one of the most beautiful places in the world. While this might not be practical in the depths of winter, there are many days each year when this would work as a way to gently focus my mind on something other than the bleeps and vibrations emanating from my phone.
Or, I can leave my phone in my office, walk up a flight of stairs and lie on the couch. The photo below is the view from that position. Shimmering leaves as the invisible breeze passes by and through delicate aspen branches. A glimpse of blue. Mountains in the distance.
As if by magic, my breathing slows and I imagine I could stay there for days. I don’t. Perhaps 20 minutes pass. By the time I make my way back downstairs I feel as though I’ve taken a micro vacation.
How do you find ways to unplug in the middle of your busiest of days?
I’ve just been thinking about this! I definitely use my phone as a way to help me pass the time caring for little one during the day. The days can feel monotonous without it and it’s a sort of anchor into the adult world and the world of writing and community.
Here are some of my thoughts:
Limit phone use 30 min before sleeping/after waking up.
Stay off my phone during meal times
Leave my phone inside when I’m sitting on the porch or spending time in the backyard.
I think there are more ways I can reduce my time but starting with these is probably more realistic!
As a side note, I’ve been listening to a Hidden Brain podcast episode about dopamine and the effect of its overuse in our brain. Essentially, the overstimulation we get by constantly using our phone (and getting those dopamine inducing notifications, etc.) can actually cause our brain to start down regulating our natural dopamine production and lead to a baseline of anxiety/depression which causes us then to increase the behaviors that led to the dis regulation in the first place. I want to learn more but it’s fascinating to think about!
I am afraid I am the complete opposite when it comes to my phone...often I am asked why I have a phone if I never have it on my person. I love the challenge of entertaining myself without the distraction of a phone...call me old fashioned but I will stubbornly continue to leave my phone at home